Old Fashioned, or just plain old.

Ok, so dating is awful. I am fully convinced that Heavenly Father made dating so hard so that I would appreciate the wonderful consistency in marriage. I have always been one of those girls that is REALLY old fashioned. I grew up with manly men who knew how to fix things, and how to work an honest day without complaining. They know how to cook and clean if needed and they know how to have fun. They put their families first and always did without so that we could have. They understood the value of a dollar but never let it outweigh kindness or generosity. They taught us to work as small children and always told us when we did things right. When we were in the wrong they were still right there, they didn't get upset and shut down, they talked us through the problem, gave us suggestions on how to fix it, and then let us go, free to make our own dumb mistakes. They helped the boys in my family become amazing men and for that alone I am so grateful. At any point I can still turn to any one of those wonderful men and get rock solid advice, direction, or just a good ole fashion *yellow rock!

I am quickly approaching my 25Th birthday and begin to ask myself what I really wanted in a future eternal companion. Growing up I always heard about the proverbial list that every woman supposedly makes. I never have really had one. I don't know why but I guess maybe that was a little too definite for me, maybe I have just never really known what I wanted and then there was always the fear of being considered too picky and that no mortal man could ever live up to my -black and white- list of requirements that were actually written down and therefore not negotiable. Either way, "the list" at least for me didn't exist.....until now. Lately for some reason that is all changing. I feel super old not just old fashioned, but old as in creaking bones, need a hip replacement old. 25 is half way to 50! Eeekk! As old as I am, I am only starting to discover what I want and that being picky is not always a bad thing, which I guess makes me pretty young. I can choose the battles that I want to fight later in life. In fact I AM choosing now, the kind of life I will have and the kind of daddy my babies will have. The serious nature of such a decision has made me understand the importance of a list. Actually writing, in black and white, those things that are definitely not negotiable for me and those things that are. I think is important because when I start to feel like I am falling for Mr.Right I can take a good look and make sure that he really is Mr. Right and not Mr. Rightnow.

Knowing that y'all will see this list has made me a bit cautious in writing it and I want y'all all to know that I don't consider this list to be a determining factor in whether or not people are good. I think all too often we, as women, have these list and if the person we are dating doesn't conform than he is scum or at least not good enough to gain our feminine attention. That's just not true. Many a good man has crossed my path that are not what I want in a husband. Good man yes. For me eternally? Maybe not. I do have high expectations. I do have certain things that I want in a husband and I don't think that is crazy. I have a responsibility to choose wisely for my children, my own heart, and our eternal family. Keep in mind my list is evolving. It is living and therefore under construction all the time. Under each section things are listed as I learned them and therefore order is not important. Without further adieu, here is the much anticipated list or series of lists. *drum roll please*

-Not Negotiable-

a. Loves the Savior more than me and has a relationship with him that reflects as much.
b. Temple attendance and a desire to take me there often, not just when we get married.
c. Wants children (side note: children is plural)
d.Wants me to stay at home with our babies when we get them.

e. Worthy Preisthood holder who understands his responsibilities as such.

f. Respects me for exactly who I am and doesn't expect me to do things to my outer appearance such as dye my hair, wear less jewelry, lose weight, etc.

g. Is supportive of me in my church callings and serves faithfully in his own.

h. Loves and Respects my family and his own.

i. Is forgiving of my short comings.

j. Makes me want to be and do better.

k. Honest. Even when its brutally so.

l. Joins me in the responsibilities of being a good parent and helps my children learn through example the importance of the small and simple things, like modesty, kindness, forgiveness, and respect.
m. Makes me laugh often and can laugh at himself.

n. Isn't afraid to be angry with me.

o. Acknowledges that I worry way to much and thinks it is endearing, or at least doesn't have an issue with it.

p. Understands my connection to my family and loves me for it.

-I Really Want but Could Live Without-

a. A man who can fix things.

b. He thinks I am beautiful and TELLS me so. Often.

c. Loves to Read.

d. Can fend for himself, should the need arise.

e. Enjoys a good movie.

f. Tolerates my homesick spells and is willing to buy me lime sherbet and watch Steel Magnolias with me when one hits.

g. Encourages my creative side, however small it may actually be.

h. Fits in well with the other boys in my family.

-Me Being Ridiculously Picky-

a. Is smitten with my accent...but who isn't! ;)

b. Wants to live near my family or at least visit often. (As in 2 or more times a year)

c. Theoretically wears boots, meaning even if he doesn't, he still lives like a man that would.

d. I have always been a swooner for a cowboy so some knowledge or desire for farm life would be nice!

e. Tall- as in 6 feet or above

f. Dark hair. Ridiculous of me I know, but I just think it looks so attractive!
g. Calls me Darlin, even when he is angry with me. :)

Yes, I know it is super long but let's just say in my short time here in Rexburg I am learning TONS of stuff about what I do and don't want for myself rather quickly. Everyday I get a little older and realize that old fashioned really is the way I want to be. I do have standards and dreams and goals. I do want to be happy. I can pick my trials. I can be happy here, now and in the future. I am a daughter of Heavenly Father who loves me and he has the richest of blessings in store for me. And maybe, just maybe, I am not as old as I had originally thought.

The following are pictures of 2 great men that have helped me along the way. Be jealous.

*A yellow rock is a square dancing call. Its almost a swinging hug. Yeah, My grandpa raised me right! ;)

Turning this funk into fun!

Back in September I wrote a post about all the Funk in my life. Amy to Thomas to my current mood at that time. At the end I said that I was going to be turning all the funk that I was feeling into fun. I have been trying ever since! My first few weeks here in The Burg, Rexburg, or Iceburg, depending on what endearment you choose were none too endearing. I must admit I turned into quite the wimp! I was so whiny! But after a few weeks sabbatical I have returned! In all my faded glory! I have found that when you lose yourself in service to others everything starts to go your way. I had a few bumps with my roommates and didn't really want to be in class and was kinda mopey for a while. But now all that is past and I am back to finally feeling like me again!! *signal the trumpeting angels and hallelujiah chorus* Thanks to some of the best friends a girl could ask for and few good boys too, I am really enjoying my time here in Idaho. I know why my brother learned to love it so much. I know why he loved and still talks about "Western Family" chocolate milk and I had a special glass just for him this morning! I am feeling good in my skin again and on the lookout for more opportunities to grow and become more of what my father in heaven expects me to be. Between seeing Tangled in 3D with Becki (the first picture) , Lava Hot Springs with Bailey (see third picture and Bailey is supposed to be asleep!), Angela, Bob, Tyson, and Alex, Family dinner with the girls, great Home Teachers, and squishing people into the lockers on campus (Bailey actually fits! See second picture), I am finally starting to enjoy myself! Lots of Love from the Burg!

-AzK-

Ice and I don't mean diamonds

I have decided to like ice. I would love a diamond but the ice I am talking about at this moment is the ice, literally frozen water, that is all over the place. When it warms up for a few days the snow melts and then a few days later the water freezes in some really cool ways. In my adventures around campus I have seen some really cool stuff and sometimes have my camera or at least my phone around to capture it. The drainage pipe is probably the coolest one and I liked the bushes because we try so hard at home to make ice trees and here no one is even trying! It makes me laugh. Walking home today I saw a dead snowman that had been knocked down and it tickled me. I even made a snow angel! I am really enjoying seeing all the cool stuff that comes with real cold weather. Hope y'all enjoy it too!


~AzK~

Valentines Day

This Valentine’s Day was surprisingly amazing. As my previous posts illustrate I’ve not been in the best of spirits. I found my computer cord at work and I was excited. My day only got better with time. When I opened my facebook I had a message from a friend who needed help with flowers for a girl so I went by the florist on my way home and ordered the perfect arrangement. It was so cute and I was so excited for all that good flowers do for relationships and the prospect of happiness for some of my favorite people. In the florist there were about 5 gazillion people waiting to be helped. I could see they were trying so hard but so overwhelmed! I was chatting with the lady taking my order and mentioned that I had a grandma in floral business for years and that I really missed the creative side of it. She asked me if I had ever wired a rose and I assured her I had with a laugh. She threw me a box of wire and assigned me a pile. I wired about 20 roses and she seemed pleased. I did a few other odds and ends around the shop like picking and cleaning up the discarded trash and stems. It seemed to really help out and in about 30 minutes the line of worried looking husbands was gone and the next delivery loaded up a sent out. It was such a joy for me to actually feel useful and to have some good connections with people. While walking home I was trying to be happy about not having a valentine even though my day had been pretty good considering. When I got home, to my surprise, I had flowers waiting on the kitchen table. Mama and Daddy remembered me and it meant so much to me. I really am loved. A good experience on a good day with good people. That’s a Happy Valentines!

~AzK~

Comfort. Peace. Hope. Love. Sunshine.

These past few weeks have been rough. I am still learning things about myself and sometimes I still get surprised. Some of the things that I am learning are that I hate ice. Snow is fun....for a little while. My mood is directly related to sunshine....need I remind you, I am in Rexburg, Idaho. I hate sinus infections. I hate the flu. I miss my family. I miss creating things. I miss feeling special and not like just one of the crowd. I miss my accent and the reason that I have it. I miss fried food, (although my waistline doesn’t). I miss men that drive trucks. I miss men that actually know what boots are for AND how to wear them. I miss my Jules, Deash and Panda. I miss not paying for laundry. I hate to pay for laundry. I miss babies. I can be quite whiny sometimes. I am not the most pleasant when I sick. I can sometimes wallow in homesickness, obvious, I know.

BUT…….

I am also learning that ice that melts and then refreezes makes some really cool picture opportunities. Snow is fun to play in with friends. Sunshine is a small miracle and it will always come back. I am so fortunate to have good insurance. (Take that sinus infection, flu, and mandatory TB test!) I have the best family in the world. Hands down, AND I dare you to argue that point. You will lose my friend. I am one spoiled little girl who is loved more than most by some of the best. There is a remedy to fixing that accent problem…its called calling home for about 10 minutes! I have a florist nearby that lets me come ‘play’ when I need to make things. Did I mention I’m spoiled? I am a very good cook. Grandma’s homemade chicken and dumplings makes everything better even when I have to make it myself. Trucks and boots don’t make a man. Some wear them well and have ice in their souls. Skype is the greatest invention of my whole wide life. Laundry is a small price to pay for everything else that I’ve been blessed with here. Babies will surround me once again when I go home. Time and season. It is perfectly ok to just want my mama sometimes, or my grandma or my daddy or my Binky or my grandpa, the king. Homesickness is a disease of the mind. It can be overcome. EVERYTHING can be overcome with the help of my Savior. Not only can everything be overcome it can be conquered and then applied for my betterment.

In one of the buildings here on campus, the Liza R. Snow building, there is, conveniently located at the top of the north staircase, a bronze life size statue of Christ. I was walking to class last week and was so low I could have been dragging the ground. I was coughing up my lungs and I as I rounded the stairs to the top I was fishing for a cough drop in my pocket. I finally found it and when I looked up teary eyed I was facing my Savior. A very golden, shiny, warm, loving Savior that had one arm stretched out beckoning me, like so many in days of old, to come unto Him. Complete with scarred hand and feet and a smile that touched my heart. Talk about being humbled. Talk about feeling loved and special. Talk about comfort, peace, hope. Talk about light that is greater and more permanent than sunshine! A permanent constant reminder that I am supposed to be here. He said. Not me. His plan, not mine and because it is his plan it is perfect, like He is and it will not fail. I have to do my part but He is in charge. The very captain of my soul. Sister Hughes said, "Life often feels like a great pile of obligations, frustrations, and disappointments. But the Lord is there, always the same, His arms still outstretched. When we feel overwhelmed, we have to remember the peace He has spoken to us on previous occasions. His peace brings comfort and strength; the world cannot give that to us."("Remembering the Lord's Love," Ensign, Nov. 2006, 111-12) Peace has been spoken to my soul on many occasions and I have to only remember those sweet little brown faces of His children in the Philippines to feel it again. I realized while walking back to work today that I was smiling to myself. The world cannot give me that. It is the peace and comfort and contentment that comes from knowing and following Him. Elder Scott said, “Peace of conscience is the essential ingredient to your peace of mind. Without peace of conscience, you can have no real peace of mind. Peace of conscience relates to your inner self and is controlled by what you personally do. Peace of conscience can come only from God through a righteous, obedient life. It cannot exist otherwise.”

Comfort.
Peace.
Hope.
Love.
Sunshine.

More than I could have ever imagined....

-AzK-

Potatoes and ALL the Good Gossip

I often write of growing up in a small town and the things that make my family fabulous. This is no exception. In my family when one of us is involved in something that means everyone else is too, from weddings, to babies, to Family Home Evenings, to prom and even sports. Believe it or not that is the way it is for most families in our neck of the woods. When we go to Arminda's volleyball games we see the families of most of the other girls there too and we've become a close little group. Sometimes when one mama has to leave early she will leave money for her daughter with my mama and things like that. It takes a village to raise a child and our little area is no different. The thing that I love the most though is the gossip. Being the good Christian people that we are we like to share good news as it comes. I couldn't help but notice that us southern women often take the command to 'bear one anothers burdens' a bit literally and because we don't want to be the only one 'bearing burdens' we share it with the rest of our circle. Everyone needs a little help sometimes. Arminda is a senior this year and during the playoffs for volleyball we had many Saturday tournaments. We would bring food and snacks for the team and during breaks they could munch on whatever they liked. That way they didn't have to worry about leaving to find food and being late for the next game and those that didn't have money for that would still get to eat. On one such Saturday we packed up early in the morning and headed over to Jackson County. We were playing Sneads. Me and Mama got there early and I was minding my own business about 4 or 5 bleachers from the 'mother hens'. I could still hear bits and pieces of the 'burden bearing' going on but I was busy trying to get all the video equipment in order to film the movie stars. I was sitting their thinking about how much I wanted to be anywhere but there at the moment and I over heard one of the mama's say, "And y'all know that they have 10 pound bags of potatoes on sale at the Pig for a dollar. I got two when I picked up the snacks for the girls this morning" This was followed by a chorus of all the families that could really use some extra groceries. One of the mama's said that she would swing by and pick some up for her neighbors because she new they were having a hard time. Another was going to take some to the church for a community dinner they were hosting. And yet another was going to fix some and take them to a family who had just lost a father. Needless to say I was humbled. My thoughts changed from how I could get out of there sooner to how I could use 10 pounds of potatoes to help someone else. While I am sure that there was a fair amount of gossip added in, these ladies embodied the southern spirit that I am trying so hard to refine. I want to find ways to help those that I know in my community need a little love in their lives. These women, who had difficulties of their own ranging from sick parents to unemployment, were finding ways to help others. That is what this life is all about. Southern or not, we are all Heavenly Fathers children and as such are charged with helping one another on our journey back to him. I am so honored to have been taught by women who love their Heavenly Father and try to help any way they can. By sharing emotional burdens or 10 pound bags of potatoes, to Him, it is the same.

Merry #@$#%! Christmas

Aunt Randy has a way of making up sayings that stick in our family. One of which is Merry *@#$ Christmas! Which is only brought out when all of the holiday stress has arrived and things are not very merry any more. We all experience it and she just has a way with words that makes us all laugh. We had a Merry *@&# Christmas experience this year with meeting Santa Clause. Santa Clause is a new experience for every little kid and some do better than others. As a small child I am told that I never met a stranger and the Santa experience for me, was a good one. This year Elijah and Kristina decided to take Jarah to met Santa. We made a big family trip out of it, combined with the annual trip to look at Christmas lights in Tallahassee. Daddy, Mama, Arminda and Justin came by grandma's in town to pick me up and they had Jarah. Elijah and Kristina had gone to shopping earlier and we were meeting them at the mall to do the whole Santa thing. While waiting in line we noticed a little girl just ahead of us that had down syndrome and the sweetest smile I think heavenly father ever created. If any of you know my daddy you will understand how sensitive he is where children are concerned, especially special children. He was holding Jarah and she was playing with her little hairbrush, putting it in his shirt pocket and taking it back out, over and over again. Well one time she dropped it and it slide across the floor to the feet of the special little girl. She looked at daddy and he reached down to pick it up, like anyone would and her father made the statement to her, "See there you should have picked that up. Santa doesn't come to mean little children". It flew all over daddy! He was so mad. The precious little girl had done nothing wrong and she was just watching daddy and Jarah play. Daddy turned around and relayed the story to the rest of us. He was made clear through! He looked at me and said, "I felt like telling him that Santa doesn't come to Daddy's who have broken jaws." Now I know that my daddy would never hurt a fly, unless it was over something as special to him as children are but that day I think if he had been alone he just may have taught that man what being mean really is! I love my daddy for many reasons and this is one of them. He loves children. He loves us completely and without bias. He has always spoiled us and made us each and every one feel special. Daddy kept his cool until we finally got our turn to see Santa. Jarah wanted nothing to do with him. The picture is pretty explanatory of her position. After we got over the trauma of Santa Claus we went to see the lights and finally made our way home. When asked how she felt about Santa Jarah eventually said, "He's a good boy." We really did have a good time and a great start to our Merry Christmas. Maybe we will have better luck with Santa next year.