Valentines Day

This Valentine’s Day was surprisingly amazing. As my previous posts illustrate I’ve not been in the best of spirits. I found my computer cord at work and I was excited. My day only got better with time. When I opened my facebook I had a message from a friend who needed help with flowers for a girl so I went by the florist on my way home and ordered the perfect arrangement. It was so cute and I was so excited for all that good flowers do for relationships and the prospect of happiness for some of my favorite people. In the florist there were about 5 gazillion people waiting to be helped. I could see they were trying so hard but so overwhelmed! I was chatting with the lady taking my order and mentioned that I had a grandma in floral business for years and that I really missed the creative side of it. She asked me if I had ever wired a rose and I assured her I had with a laugh. She threw me a box of wire and assigned me a pile. I wired about 20 roses and she seemed pleased. I did a few other odds and ends around the shop like picking and cleaning up the discarded trash and stems. It seemed to really help out and in about 30 minutes the line of worried looking husbands was gone and the next delivery loaded up a sent out. It was such a joy for me to actually feel useful and to have some good connections with people. While walking home I was trying to be happy about not having a valentine even though my day had been pretty good considering. When I got home, to my surprise, I had flowers waiting on the kitchen table. Mama and Daddy remembered me and it meant so much to me. I really am loved. A good experience on a good day with good people. That’s a Happy Valentines!

~AzK~

Comfort. Peace. Hope. Love. Sunshine.

These past few weeks have been rough. I am still learning things about myself and sometimes I still get surprised. Some of the things that I am learning are that I hate ice. Snow is fun....for a little while. My mood is directly related to sunshine....need I remind you, I am in Rexburg, Idaho. I hate sinus infections. I hate the flu. I miss my family. I miss creating things. I miss feeling special and not like just one of the crowd. I miss my accent and the reason that I have it. I miss fried food, (although my waistline doesn’t). I miss men that drive trucks. I miss men that actually know what boots are for AND how to wear them. I miss my Jules, Deash and Panda. I miss not paying for laundry. I hate to pay for laundry. I miss babies. I can be quite whiny sometimes. I am not the most pleasant when I sick. I can sometimes wallow in homesickness, obvious, I know.

BUT…….

I am also learning that ice that melts and then refreezes makes some really cool picture opportunities. Snow is fun to play in with friends. Sunshine is a small miracle and it will always come back. I am so fortunate to have good insurance. (Take that sinus infection, flu, and mandatory TB test!) I have the best family in the world. Hands down, AND I dare you to argue that point. You will lose my friend. I am one spoiled little girl who is loved more than most by some of the best. There is a remedy to fixing that accent problem…its called calling home for about 10 minutes! I have a florist nearby that lets me come ‘play’ when I need to make things. Did I mention I’m spoiled? I am a very good cook. Grandma’s homemade chicken and dumplings makes everything better even when I have to make it myself. Trucks and boots don’t make a man. Some wear them well and have ice in their souls. Skype is the greatest invention of my whole wide life. Laundry is a small price to pay for everything else that I’ve been blessed with here. Babies will surround me once again when I go home. Time and season. It is perfectly ok to just want my mama sometimes, or my grandma or my daddy or my Binky or my grandpa, the king. Homesickness is a disease of the mind. It can be overcome. EVERYTHING can be overcome with the help of my Savior. Not only can everything be overcome it can be conquered and then applied for my betterment.

In one of the buildings here on campus, the Liza R. Snow building, there is, conveniently located at the top of the north staircase, a bronze life size statue of Christ. I was walking to class last week and was so low I could have been dragging the ground. I was coughing up my lungs and I as I rounded the stairs to the top I was fishing for a cough drop in my pocket. I finally found it and when I looked up teary eyed I was facing my Savior. A very golden, shiny, warm, loving Savior that had one arm stretched out beckoning me, like so many in days of old, to come unto Him. Complete with scarred hand and feet and a smile that touched my heart. Talk about being humbled. Talk about feeling loved and special. Talk about comfort, peace, hope. Talk about light that is greater and more permanent than sunshine! A permanent constant reminder that I am supposed to be here. He said. Not me. His plan, not mine and because it is his plan it is perfect, like He is and it will not fail. I have to do my part but He is in charge. The very captain of my soul. Sister Hughes said, "Life often feels like a great pile of obligations, frustrations, and disappointments. But the Lord is there, always the same, His arms still outstretched. When we feel overwhelmed, we have to remember the peace He has spoken to us on previous occasions. His peace brings comfort and strength; the world cannot give that to us."("Remembering the Lord's Love," Ensign, Nov. 2006, 111-12) Peace has been spoken to my soul on many occasions and I have to only remember those sweet little brown faces of His children in the Philippines to feel it again. I realized while walking back to work today that I was smiling to myself. The world cannot give me that. It is the peace and comfort and contentment that comes from knowing and following Him. Elder Scott said, “Peace of conscience is the essential ingredient to your peace of mind. Without peace of conscience, you can have no real peace of mind. Peace of conscience relates to your inner self and is controlled by what you personally do. Peace of conscience can come only from God through a righteous, obedient life. It cannot exist otherwise.”

Comfort.
Peace.
Hope.
Love.
Sunshine.

More than I could have ever imagined....

-AzK-

Potatoes and ALL the Good Gossip

I often write of growing up in a small town and the things that make my family fabulous. This is no exception. In my family when one of us is involved in something that means everyone else is too, from weddings, to babies, to Family Home Evenings, to prom and even sports. Believe it or not that is the way it is for most families in our neck of the woods. When we go to Arminda's volleyball games we see the families of most of the other girls there too and we've become a close little group. Sometimes when one mama has to leave early she will leave money for her daughter with my mama and things like that. It takes a village to raise a child and our little area is no different. The thing that I love the most though is the gossip. Being the good Christian people that we are we like to share good news as it comes. I couldn't help but notice that us southern women often take the command to 'bear one anothers burdens' a bit literally and because we don't want to be the only one 'bearing burdens' we share it with the rest of our circle. Everyone needs a little help sometimes. Arminda is a senior this year and during the playoffs for volleyball we had many Saturday tournaments. We would bring food and snacks for the team and during breaks they could munch on whatever they liked. That way they didn't have to worry about leaving to find food and being late for the next game and those that didn't have money for that would still get to eat. On one such Saturday we packed up early in the morning and headed over to Jackson County. We were playing Sneads. Me and Mama got there early and I was minding my own business about 4 or 5 bleachers from the 'mother hens'. I could still hear bits and pieces of the 'burden bearing' going on but I was busy trying to get all the video equipment in order to film the movie stars. I was sitting their thinking about how much I wanted to be anywhere but there at the moment and I over heard one of the mama's say, "And y'all know that they have 10 pound bags of potatoes on sale at the Pig for a dollar. I got two when I picked up the snacks for the girls this morning" This was followed by a chorus of all the families that could really use some extra groceries. One of the mama's said that she would swing by and pick some up for her neighbors because she new they were having a hard time. Another was going to take some to the church for a community dinner they were hosting. And yet another was going to fix some and take them to a family who had just lost a father. Needless to say I was humbled. My thoughts changed from how I could get out of there sooner to how I could use 10 pounds of potatoes to help someone else. While I am sure that there was a fair amount of gossip added in, these ladies embodied the southern spirit that I am trying so hard to refine. I want to find ways to help those that I know in my community need a little love in their lives. These women, who had difficulties of their own ranging from sick parents to unemployment, were finding ways to help others. That is what this life is all about. Southern or not, we are all Heavenly Fathers children and as such are charged with helping one another on our journey back to him. I am so honored to have been taught by women who love their Heavenly Father and try to help any way they can. By sharing emotional burdens or 10 pound bags of potatoes, to Him, it is the same.

Merry #@$#%! Christmas

Aunt Randy has a way of making up sayings that stick in our family. One of which is Merry *@#$ Christmas! Which is only brought out when all of the holiday stress has arrived and things are not very merry any more. We all experience it and she just has a way with words that makes us all laugh. We had a Merry *@&# Christmas experience this year with meeting Santa Clause. Santa Clause is a new experience for every little kid and some do better than others. As a small child I am told that I never met a stranger and the Santa experience for me, was a good one. This year Elijah and Kristina decided to take Jarah to met Santa. We made a big family trip out of it, combined with the annual trip to look at Christmas lights in Tallahassee. Daddy, Mama, Arminda and Justin came by grandma's in town to pick me up and they had Jarah. Elijah and Kristina had gone to shopping earlier and we were meeting them at the mall to do the whole Santa thing. While waiting in line we noticed a little girl just ahead of us that had down syndrome and the sweetest smile I think heavenly father ever created. If any of you know my daddy you will understand how sensitive he is where children are concerned, especially special children. He was holding Jarah and she was playing with her little hairbrush, putting it in his shirt pocket and taking it back out, over and over again. Well one time she dropped it and it slide across the floor to the feet of the special little girl. She looked at daddy and he reached down to pick it up, like anyone would and her father made the statement to her, "See there you should have picked that up. Santa doesn't come to mean little children". It flew all over daddy! He was so mad. The precious little girl had done nothing wrong and she was just watching daddy and Jarah play. Daddy turned around and relayed the story to the rest of us. He was made clear through! He looked at me and said, "I felt like telling him that Santa doesn't come to Daddy's who have broken jaws." Now I know that my daddy would never hurt a fly, unless it was over something as special to him as children are but that day I think if he had been alone he just may have taught that man what being mean really is! I love my daddy for many reasons and this is one of them. He loves children. He loves us completely and without bias. He has always spoiled us and made us each and every one feel special. Daddy kept his cool until we finally got our turn to see Santa. Jarah wanted nothing to do with him. The picture is pretty explanatory of her position. After we got over the trauma of Santa Claus we went to see the lights and finally made our way home. When asked how she felt about Santa Jarah eventually said, "He's a good boy." We really did have a good time and a great start to our Merry Christmas. Maybe we will have better luck with Santa next year.

Funk

** I originally wrote this a few weeks ago and only decided to post it today.**

A Funk, the funk, in a funk. One of the things that have been surrounding me lately is the word funk. In the MTC I met the wonderful Elder Thomas Funk, who was so devoted to my accent that he invited to "come shoot something" with him after the mission. He taught me how to go places without moving my chair and the proper use of the word 'also'. Also he was always making me laugh with his next great idea. The second funk in my life was Amy. My second trainee in the field. Beautiful, smart, funny, shy, quiet Amy Lynn. How I love this wonderful woman. She taught me quiet dignity. She taught me diligence. She taught me the importance of tears. She walked like a queen and uplifted everyone that crossed her path. Amazing daughter of God she is. Today I am surrounded by a much different funk. I don't know what it is I just don't feel like I am in a good place. I know that this is where I need to be, but I also know this is not where I want to be. I fill like I fell into this funk and it just wont let me go! The harder I fight it the worse it gets. Quicksand of sorts. I want to be happy and I want to be content but I am just not a wait and see kind of girl. I need to be doing. I need to be going and coming. I need to be helping and serving and being productive. Today I feel like I cant do anything right. I want to be kissed good and kissed long by a certain someone. (Hope you caught the reference) But it will not be happening anytime soon. I am just frustrated with the 'wait' answer. I have to learn patience. I have so little. You would think as much as I practice at patience I would have it mastered by now, unfortunately not. Ole Scratches is still trying to get the best of me. I just cant seem to shake it. I need some distraction. I need someone to talk to. I need a good cuddle. I need to be able to talk with my heavenly father freely and teach others willingly. I need the influence of the spirit. I need to forget me and remember someone else. I need to remember the other Funk's that have helped me so much without it ever being intentional. So with no further complaining (I'm sure you've heard enough already) I am out the door to turn this Funk into Fun! Wish me luck!

This picture is Sister Funk and I in Vigan, Illocos Sur, Philippines on our last Preparation Day together.

-AzK-

Mautz Memories

Chloe Davis Mautz and her family live near Salt Lake and they invited Elishann and I to go up to the mountains and enjoy the fourth of July holiday with her husbands family. Her family is so much fun. Andrew her husband is one of the finest men to ever pull on a pair pants. He is extremely crafty and can make and or fix anything that has ever been put in front of him. He is so kind and diligent. He loves Chloe and their kids so much. I know this not just by hearing it said but also from the way he is with them. You can just tell by the way he walks in the door after a long day at work just how much he really loves them. As he is being overrun with babies so happy to have their daddy back with them, amongst all the kisses and stories of the day he laughs and hugs and pats them, all while looking for Chloe. That's the stuff fairy tales are made of and I am so grateful for the opportunity I had to watch them live thier very own version. Chloe is one of those people that just make you stare and wonder how in the world she gets it all done AND stays sane. She takes on a day at the indoor play ground with 4 children like a pro. She is helping out with Tate's soccer team, organizes her schedule to fit all the visitors in AND cooks dinner. Can you imagine? One word. Amazing. Tate is the oldest and quite the leading lady in her own right. Very talented and smart, she knows how to help her mama and is the best hula hooper I've ever seen. Kaleb is the love bird of the family. He gives kisses and hugs freely without even being asked and he makes sure everybody is ok. He is a big boy who just absolutely adores his daddy and cuddles his mama on a reagular basis. Who wouldn't love kids like that? Then we have Eli. Strong build, strong ideas. He usually takes a minute to warm up to people but oh is he the charmer. He tells stories and like to play outside. His favorite thing is to stay up late with mama and snuggle on the couch. Then of course the baby of the family. Miss Tessa Jean Mautz. She is learning to talk, but dont dispair she is the most vocal non verbal child I have ever met. She has beautiful ringlets at the base of her neck and the chubbiest little cheeks. She will tell you no or bad if she thinks the situation permits it. She likes to be included but will not be run over. She can handle her own against every single one of her siblings and even me. She hates to be put to bed but loves her blanket. Together this crew makes up the Mautz family. Crazy at times, calm at others, full of love and understanding. Sounds like my kinda people. From jumping on the trampoline, to gardening, playing in the basement to watching movies, they dont always have everything together, but I can assure you that together they have it all.

-AzK-

Stewart Falls

While out in Utah I made it a goal to get back in touch with some of my friends from the mission. One of those was my former MTC teacher, sister Amanda Hawkes. She was brand new when she was assigned to my district. We were her first district and she was one of 3 teachers for us. She replaced our sweet Brother Bird after he was assigned to a new district. She gathered a few of her friends and we took a hike. Literally. We hiked up to Stewart Falls in the Provo Canyon. It was beautiful. The weather was bright and clear and there was a nice breeze. We came home filthy with dust and sweat but enjoyed our time together. We talked and played games as we walked and it was just a good girls day in the mountains. Amanda actually went to the bottom of the falls and played but I knew that what goes down must come up so me and the load that my feet carry stayed at the top. I enjoyed the scenery but most of all I enjoyed getting to spend time with a woman who shaped how my mission began and who started my learning process. She taught me then and continues to now, even without a nametag on. The name that is written on her heart is evident in the life she leads. Thanks Amanda, for helping me find that name on my own heart. Mahal Kita.